Tiny Human

I can't believe Johan is almost a month old! Time is flying by and he's growing up too fast. It's actually a bit depressing (excuse my hormones). 

I never thought in a million years that I would love being a mother so much. It's painful and more exhausting than I could ever imagine but I wake up to a lovable baby who needs me every morning. 

He is so tiny and adorable I can't help but love him and want to hold him. I constantly give him kiss attacks. I know once he's older I'm going to be that embarrassing mom who still sees him as her small baby with toes the size of peas. I'll give him as many kisses as I can now to get it all out of my system by the time he starts feeling embarrassed of me, haha! 

Burrito Baby

It's been crazy long since I've posted anything but let it be known that I've missed it very much. So much has happened and I've been too tired to even put any of it into words.

Long story short: I delivered my baby! Yup, he's here! He was born on November 17 at 11:17PM. Crazy how the date and time match. I started feeling contractions at 2:00AM and finally decided I couldn't take it anymore and went to labor and delivery at 7:00AM! I was actually scheduled that day to be induced at 9:30AM so it was kind of continent that I was having contractions anyway. 

My mom and sister were with me the entire time and were so much help and were very helpful. I was paranoid to have the baby go alone into the ICN so I had them both go for me since I was still being taken care of by the doctors after the delivery. I was so scared they might switch out my baby but that would've been kind of difficult considering how much hair my baby was born with!

As you know I have type 1 diabetes so I was super freaked out that the baby might not be healthy but I'm happy to say he's as healthy as can be except he did have low blood sugar when he was born. After having it normalized we were able to come home! 

Seeing him hooked up to IV fluids and being regularly checked for blood sugar levels was so hard but I'm glad it's over with. He's home now so I will try to get over that traumatic experience! I also wasn't in the same room as him while we were in the hospital. He needed to be carefully watched to make sure he was safe to go home. It made it even harder to sleep at the hospital. 

His face made me so happy the entire time. Even though I was in pain and upset to be there, just looking at his cute face made me laugh and smile. He's really charming and he was a favorite at the nursery!

I'm happy to say that we've both been doing great since we've been home and I grow to love him more and more each day. I love my little burrito baby. We decided to name him Johan (Joe-Han) since my first name is Joana and he's basically a mini me. He really is though. His personality is so cute and just adorable.

Thanks for reading. 

Expecting

So after a while of keeping this a secret I'm finally able to announce that I'm 22 weeks pregnant. Yes, it took me very long to finally announce my pregnancy but with good reason. My pregnancy is considered high risk because I am a type one diabetic. Which itself is reason enough to not even want to say a word until I'm actually holding my baby lol. 

Anyway, yesterday I seriously spent like 3 1/2 hours at the hospital. They first did an ultrasound that's like super detailed and stuff to make sure the baby didn't have any major physical defects. I was happy about that because it's always nice to have that extra sense of relief (idk how else to describe that feeling). To be honest I was so scared up until yesterday but it's a work in progress. I won't feel like my baby is safe until they're born.

I couldn't believe how big the baby has gotten since my first ultrasound. My very first ultrasound was at 15 weeks and the baby looked like a little alien thing.

Whenever one of my friends showed me one of these ultrasound pictures I could never see the baby. It always looked like a bunch of rubbish but as soon as I saw the baby come up on the screen I knew where the baby was. 

Now the baby is so big! I downloaded this app on my phone (because it's not like I know this baby stuff and I need technology to train me to be motherly lol) and it says the baby should be the size of a papaya! By the way, I fucking hate papaya so just the thought that I have a papaya inside me makes me want to spew! 

As you can see the baby is so much more bigger! It looks so much more like a baby and not just an alien. My mom thinks the baby and I share facial features. What a lucky asshole he gets to look like me and gets an awesome mother. What more can he ask for, really. 

Not even a minute into the ultrasound I already knew what sex the baby was a because the lady put the ultrasound thing (idk the name lol) over babies privates but my mom and sister were making a bet and didn't get to see so I stayed quiet. 

Turns out that the baby's a boy and everyone is so happy. We have mostly girls in the family and my family really wanted a boy (honestly so did I but I didn't want to seem like a bad mother of I said I didn't want a girl) so I was happy.

I'm so scared to have a boy though because I know that if you're not careful while changing their diapers they will piss all over you! Also, when he gets older and wants to use the men's restroom all by himself I won't be able to go protect him from child molesters! 

After we were done at the hospital we all went to In-N-Out and I was so happy because I love the fries from there. I mean, they're pretty ordinary but they just remind me of home. I'm so happy Utha has In-N-Out. Maybe there is a God.

Then we just went to the shops and got some cute clothing items like beanies since the baby is due on December 02! It's going to be super cold so I'm sticking up on newborn warm clothes and such! Although I hate the overwhelming of color blue at the shops! No one needs to know what my babies genitals looks like! I hate color coding children. Makes things less fun when shopping. Rant over.

This is such a word heavy post I think I need a nap now! I hope everyone has a good rest of the week. 

“The Universe is not punishing you or blessing you, the Universe is responding to the vibrational attitude that you are emetting.” Abraham Hicks